Please Try to Conserve Exclamation Marks

Please try to conserve exclamation marks. Exclamation marks are being depleted worldwide at an alarming rate. The planet may run out of exclamation marks before the end of this century. I cannot emphasize enough what a calamity that would be.


My grandparents grew up during the Great Depression, and back then they shared a single exclamation mark per week for the entire family. Sometimes my grandmother would use a semicolon instead of an exclamation mark, hoping nobody would notice.


This was a time of great punctuation thriftiness. People learned to make do with ellipses, periods, and, in particularly desperate cases, commas at the end of sentences—commas! The truly daring would try to express enthusiasm with nothing but capital letters, but this was considered both dangerous and gauche. My grandfather once told me of a neighbor who shouted "YIPPEE" in a handwritten letter with no punctuation at all, just raw uppercase energy. They were ostracized immediately and their mailbox mysteriously disappeared the next morning.


You might think modern keyboards have endless reserves of exclamation marks, but consider this: Every time you hit "Shift" + "1," you're borrowing from a finite global supply. Scientists warn that if we keep using them at the current rate, by 2080 we'll have to resort to emergency substitutes. They're already testing replacements like "!!!," a cumbersome triplet known as the "hyper-exclamation," and single, lonely emojis, but those simply can't convey the timeless punch of the original mark.


Grammar experts suggest rediscovering older punctuation methods to stave off disaster. The interrobang (‽) could make a comeback, although many say it's too flashy for serious situations. Others advocate for the "enthusiastic period," a regular period delivered with vigor and a knowing wink. "I'm so excited to see you today." It's understated, confident, and mature.


As for me, I'm starting a personal conservation effort. I ration my exclamation marks, assigning one per week, as my grandparents once did. Birthdays? Worth it. An unexpected windfall of free cake? Maybe. But not every mildly entertaining meme or random text message gets one. For lesser thrills, I offer a nodding period or a satisfied semicolon.


Together, if we all commit to using punctuation responsibly, future generations might still know the joy of a single, well-placed exclamation mark. Use yours wisely, my friends. For when they're gone—what will we have left?



(This writing has been donated to the public domain and may be used for any purpose.)



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Phil Shapiro, pshapiro@his.com
https://pairsmathgame.com
https://philshapirochatgptexplorations.blogspot.com/
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He/Him/His

"Wisdom begins with wonder." - Socrates
"Learning happens thru gentleness."
"We must reinvent a future free of blinders so that we can choose from real options."  David Suzuki

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