Dear Dairy


Moosetta was no ordinary teenage cow. For one, she had a penchant for introspection that set her apart from the herd. While her bovine peers spent their days ruminating on grass and gossiping about Farmer Ted's questionable overalls, Moosetta dreamed of expressing herself. So, one day, she picked up a pen (a challenge without opposable thumbs, but determination prevailed) and started her journal, Dear Dairy.


Day 1

Dear Dairy,
Today, Betsy said I chew my cud like I'm in a Shakespearean tragedy. That's udderly unfair. If contemplating existence while chewing is a crime, then lock me up. Also, I caught Farmer Ted sneaking cookies behind the barn. He dropped one. It was chocolate chip. A win for me, a loss for his waistline.


Day 3

Dear Dairy,
I've decided that I want to write poetry. Here's my first attempt:
The pasture green, the sun does gleam,
My moo unheard, a bovine dream.
It needs work, but the chickens seemed impressed. Except for Cluck Norris—he's always so critical.


Day 7

Dear Dairy,
I overheard Farmer Ted talking about "beef futures" today. Should I be worried? He looked at me with an odd smile afterward. I've started practicing my "not-for-slaughter" face in the mirror. I call it moo and melancholy.


Day 15

Dear Dairy,
Big drama today. Daisy got her tail stuck in the milking machine, and Bessie accused her of attention-seeking. I defended Daisy. It's not her fault she's always extra dramatic about everything. "It was udderly painful," she cried. She knows I trademarked that pun.


Day 21

Dear Dairy,
It rained all day, and we were stuck in the barn. To pass the time, I taught the sheep how to play charades. Turns out, sheep are terrible at acting. Every round, they just baa'd until someone guessed "a sheep." Still, better than Cluck Norris, who insisted he was a ninja every time.


Day 30

Dear Dairy,
Farmer Ted brought a new cow today. He called her "Belle of the Barn." She's pretty and all, but I think I'm more… intellectually moo-ving. I tried to engage her in a conversation about existentialism, but she just stared blankly and said, "Grass tastes good."


Day 45

Dear Dairy,
I've started sharing my entries with the herd, and it turns out they love it.  Even Cluck Norris admitted it was "moderately tolerable." Betsy suggested I turn Dear Dairy into a podcast.


Months later, Moosetta's journal became a hit, spreading across farms far and wide. Soon, cows everywhere were picking up pens (and hooves) to write their own Dear Dairy. Farmer Ted never figured out where his pen supply went, but Moosetta didn't mind. She had found her calling, and for once, it didn't involve standing still in a milking stall.

As Moosetta wrote in her final entry:


Dear Dairy,


The pen is mightier than the plow. And also tastier when chewed.


(The story is donated to the public domain and may be freely shared in any form - print or digital.)


--
--
Phil Shapiro, pshapiro@his.com
https://pairsmathgame.com
https://philshapirochatgptexplorations.blogspot.com/
https://bsky.app/profile/philshapiro.bsky.social

He/Him/His

"Wisdom begins with wonder." - Socrates
"Learning happens thru gentleness."
"We must reinvent a future free of blinders so that we can choose from real options."  David Suzuki

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