Unrushed
Cynthia was the proud owner and manager of a hardware store in a town of 20,000 people. Residents in town loved going to her hardware store. Cynthia had built a very loyal clientele.
On a Tuesday evening, Cynthia was about to head out to a meeting about the United Nations World Food Program. Supporting this organization was one of Cynthia's passions. She had prepared a presentation for this evening and rehearsed it several times at home. Representatives of this organization were flying in from out of state, and she was eager to meet them.
Just as Cynthia was packing up her things to leave the store, one of her longtime customers, Charlie, walked in, tears streaming down his face. 95 years old, Charlie's face was weathered like an old mountain rock. Between his gasping words, Cynthia could make out that Charlie's beloved dog of 15 years had died that morning.
She put down her bag and went over to hug him. Unbeknown to Cynthia, her 18 year old daughter, Rachel, witnessed the incident. Rachel was just beginning to understand her mother's wisdom and this incident proved to be revealing.
Later that evening, at home, Rachel asked her mom, "Mom, you've been talking about that meetings for several months and even rehearsed your presentation. Yet, when Charlie showed up at the store, you were unrushed in listening to him. You spent more than 45 minutes talking to him – causing you to miss most of that meeting you desperately wanted to attend. How could you do that?"
Cynthia smiled a gentle smile, and turned the question back to Rachel. "Why do you think I chose to miss this meeting?"
Rachel thought for a moment, and then said, "Because Charlie's dog died?"
Cynthia continued her interrogation. "Yes, and…?"
"And he needed to talk to someone?"
"Yes, and…?"
"And his wife died 30 years ago, so he has been lonely for 30 years?"
"Yes, and…?"
"Most of his own friends have passed away, so he cannot share his grief with them?"
"Yes, and…?"
"He trusted that you would be sincere in helping him with his grief?"
"Yes, and…?"
"So, you decided to miss that important meeting to console this old man?"
"Yes, that's right. That's why I chose to miss the meeting. Sometimes, the most kind thing you can do is to be unrushed."
Rachel thought for a moment, and then posed the question: "How did you know so quickly this was the right thing to do?"
Cynthia paused, and then said, "Because I thought about it. Thinking can be a useful tool when traveling through life. You should give it a try sometime."
Rachel: "Indeed. I should give that a try sometime, mom. I should give that a try."
As Rachel was walking up the stairs to her bedroom, her mom quietly said, "You turned 18 two months ago, my daughter. Welcome to adult."
Rachel had no words to respond. She nodded her head slowly in approval.
At breakfast the next day, Rachel told her mom, "Watching you last night, I've decided to bake some cookies to take over to Charlie. That will be a happy surprise for him."
Cynthia paused and then said, "Baking cookies for someone experiencing this deep grief would be a good thing, but what else could you do for Charlie?"
Rachel replied, "I don't know. What do you suggest mom?"
Cynthia said, "I can't tell you the answer, I can only help you think about the answer. What were we talking about last week? Remember our conversation about the power of counterintuitive thinking?"
Rachel was at first bewildered, but then said, "Okay, I need to think counterintuitively about this. Instead of taking something to Charlie, I should take something from Charlie?"
Cynthia said, "You're on the right track. Think some more."
Rachel, "Well, taking something sounds to me like stealing, so I should not literally take something from him. Hmmm, give me a second to think about this."
This was a moment for Cynthia to remain silent.
"Aha, instead of literally taking something from Charlie, I should ask him to do me a favor of some kind?"
Cynthia asked, "What kind of favor could you ask him? The favor needs to be not burdensome and something that Charlie would enjoy doing anyway."
Rachel said, "I'll ask him to teach me some American Sign Language. I'm taking an ASL class at school and I need to practice more to improve my grade. I remember you telling me that Charlie taught ASL for sixty years in his job -- and he still loves teaching this skill in his retirement."
Cynthia: "There you go. Now, how are you going to ask him?"
Rachel: "I'll walk right up to his door and ring his doorbell."
Cynthia: "That would be a big mistake. Do you know why?"
Rachel: "Charlie hates solicitors. Hearing his doorbell always brings him stress."
Cynthia: "So, how else could you reach him?"
Rachel: "I'll send him an email."
Cynthia: "Charlie doesn't use email."
Rachel: "I'll send him a text."
Cynthia: "Charlie does not own a smart phone, a flip phone, or any kind of phone other than a landline phone."
Rachel: "Mom, what is a landline phone?"
Cynthia: "A landline phone is what the dinosaurs used before the asteroid hit the Earth."
Rachel was still stuck in how to proceed. But she knew what she needed to do. She needed to think.
Rachel: "I'll go over to Charlie's house when he is gardening. That's when he is in his best mood."
Cynthia: "The weather forecast has rain for the next two weeks. What are you going to do then?"
Rachel: "I'll wait. I'll wait until the first sunny day, and then I'll stop by Charlie's house on the way home from school. I'll then tell him about my ASL class at school and ask him if he has time to coach me on ASL."
Cynthia: "You could also bake cookies."
Rachel: "No, I'm not going to bake cookies. That's too typical a response. In our family, we don't do typical."
Cynthia: "We don't do typical? Is that one of our family traditions?"
Rachel: "It's one of our traditions now."
Phil Shapiro
This story is in the public domain and may be freely distributed in print or digital form.
"Wisdom begins with wonder." - Socrates
"Learning happens thru gentleness."
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