Competing with My Excellent Blood Labs


My doctor told me that my blood lab numbers were excellent. I'm thinking I'm ready to compete against others.

If I focused on the fundamentals, I think I could compete at the highest level. I'd start out the race gauging the other runners. They would have no suspicion about my strong kick. Towards the middle of the race, I'd move up about half way through the pack of other runners. Then, coming to the last lap, I'd shift my running into high gear.

And that's when I'd whip out my laminated lab results, waving them like a victory flag.

The other runners might have strong quads, but do they have a cholesterol level so pristine it could be used as a window cleaner? Do they have liver enzymes that could headline at Carnegie Hall? I think not.


As I surged to the front, the announcer would say:


"Ladies and gentlemen, we are witnessing history—never before has a man with this low of a triglyceride count stormed the track with such confidence!"


And I'd cross the finish line, not with sweat dripping, but with my doctor's note stapled to my shirt: 'Patient exhibits superior HDL/LDL ratio. Cleared for glory.'


In the winner's circle, when asked the secret of my success, I'd simply say:


"I owe it all to iron levels. I've been pumping iron… from spinach."


--
--
Phil Shapiro, pshapiro@his.com
https://pairsmathgame.com
https://philshapirochatgptexplorations.blogspot.com/
https://bsky.app/profile/philshapiro.bsky.social

He/Him/His

"Wisdom begins with wonder." - Socrates
"Learning happens thru gentleness."
"We must reinvent a future free of blinders so that we can choose from real options."  David Suzuki

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