Why the Roman Empire Fell
Much has been written about the fall of the Roman Empire—barbarian invasions, political corruption, overexpansion, economic instability, and the lead content of their cookware. But historians have overlooked the real culprit: astronomical cell phone roaming charges. The Romans were done in by the roamings. Let me explain. The Romans were brilliant engineers. They built aqueducts that carried water over mountains, roads straighter than your cousin Marcus after basic training, and a postal system that could get a message from Gaul to Rome faster than you could say "Et tu, Brute?" With such prowess, they naturally assumed that managing their mobile phone network would be child's play. After all, how hard could it be to send a text from Britannia? Very hard, as it turns out—especially when your service provider is Imperium Mobile and you forgot to add the Mediterranean Unlimited Roaming Bundle™ to your plan. Picture this: It's 378 AD. Emperor Valens is deep in negotiat...