I Am in Awe of the Grandeur of the Great Indoors

       I am in awe of the grandeur of the great indoors. Whenever my spirit needs uplifting and my soul needs replenishing, the grand indoors is my healer. When I look out across the expanse of wall-to-wall carpeting, it's as if the rug were cut to fit the room. Behold, a miracle! 

        If you still your heart, you can hear the beat of life in the drip drip drip of the automatic coffee maker. The roar of the undersink garbage disposer overpowers the roar of any savannah predator. 

          Is there anything more perfect than a home thermostat, ceaselessly self-correcting itself on the path to ultimate temperature equilibrium. Is there anything more selfless than that in the world?

          And when I empty the full vacuum cleaner bag on the freshly tilled soil in the back yard, I can truly appreciate, “From dust to dust.” Literally, dust becomes dust becomes dirt, before my very eyes. Behold, a miracle!

            When your soul needs renewal, turn to the great indoors and you’ll find renewal there and so much more. Help me urge Congress to protect the great indoors, protect it from the soaring eagle, the stampeding buffalo and the thunderous applause of Niagara’s mighty waters.

            Still your heart and you can feel the heartbeat of the planet, there in the great indoors. Take your children by the hand and look out over the expanse of the great indoors. “This is the great indoors,” tell them. “Cherish it with all your heart. This is the only great indoors we’ll ever have. Be stewards of the great indoors — and the great indoors will be yours — forever.”

(This satire is donated to the public domain.)

 

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