Tips for Enrolling Your Billionaire in Free or Reduced Lunch


Before attempting to enroll your billionaire in the free or reduced price meals program, it's essential to determine if their net worth is less than $450 billion. If they are over that, then they do not qualify.

Gather all required documentation to prove your billionaire's financial need. This may include their last yacht tax statement, a photo of their third vacation home, and a sworn affidavit from their personal chef stating that they only dine on caviar and gold-plated lobster.

Locate the "Free or Reduced Price Meals for Billionaires" application form. Fill in the form completely. Incomplete forms are one of the main reasons billionaires are denied free or reduced lunch. If they need help filling in the form, there is usually a social worker available to assist them.

On the day of the interview, ensure your billionaire is appropriately dressed to convey their financial need. Encourage them to wear a suit made of woven hundred-dollar bills or a custom-designed watch that displays their net worth in real-time.

After submitting the application and attending the interview, prepare for a waiting period. Remember, the wheels of bureaucracy turn slowly, especially when they're made of solid gold.





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Phil Shapiro, pshapiro@his.com
https://opensource.com/users/pshapiro

He/Him/His

"Wisdom begins with wonder." - Socrates
"Learning happens thru gentleness."
"We must reinvent a future free of blinders so that we can choose from real options."  David Suzuki

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