You Otter Not Bring Home Wild Animals


Look, I get it. You're walking along the riverbank, you see an otter doing that adorable backstroke with a pebble on its belly, and suddenly your inner Dr. Doolittle whispers, "I could totally raise that." But let me tell you—you otter not.


For one thing, otters have boundless energy. By the time you've brewed your morning coffee, they've already redecorated your bathtub, shredded your towels, and turned your fish tank into an all-you-can-eat buffet. You'll come home and find your home otter chaos.


And don't get me started on raccoons. Oh, you think it's cute when they wash their food? Wait till they start laundering everything—your socks, your credit cards, your tax receipts. Suddenly you've got a raccooncilation problem with your accountant.


Beavers are another mistake people dam well keep making. Sure, they look industrious, but they'll rezone your living room into wetlands faster than you can say "flood insurance." The moment you turn your back, they'll be gnawing on your coffee table legs, insisting they're "just streamlining."


And please, for the love of common sense, never bring home a skunk. They're the only houseguest who can clear out your entire friend group in under thirty seconds. Once you've been sprayed, deodorant becomes a futile mistake.


Even squirrels are trouble. Sure, they're cute in the park, but give them a few days inside and they'll have you climbing the walls. They'll stash acorns in your shoes, rewire your ceiling fan for "fun," and start referring to your attic as their "pentnut."


So before you scoop up that woodland creature and bring it home, remember: wildlife belongs in the wild. You may think you're rescuing them—but really, they're rescuing you from a life of total panda-monium.


In conclusion, resist the urge to domesticate nature's wonders. You wild thing. Tame your reckless urges.


(This writing is donated to the public domain.)




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Phil Shapiro, pshapiro@his.com
https://pairsmathgame.com
https://philshapirochatgptexplorations.blogspot.com/
https://bsky.app/profile/philshapiro.bsky.social

He/Him/His

"Wisdom begins with wonder." - Socrates
"Learning happens thru gentleness."
"We must reinvent a future free of blinders so that we can choose from real options."  David Suzuki

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